I think she was about 18 months when we kind of stopped trying. No more bed time. If she seemed tired I would try to get her to sleep. If she wasn't asleep in 15-20 min. it was back in the living room. This sometimes meant she wouldn't go to bed until midnight. But, it worked for us. No more frustration. She still nursed a lot - about 3 times a night. I sometimes wonder if I hadn't been away working full time during the day if things would have been different. This pattern continued until just a few months ago. She very slowly started only nursing once/night. She would wake about 2 a.m., ask for milk, nurse, then fall asleep in about 5 min. She would actually STTN about once a week.
Then 3 weeks ago, at 32 months, she stopped that 2 a.m. feeding. Sometimes she doesn't even nurse to sleep. She has continued to sleep through the night since. I still rock her to sleep every night - but she's asleep in five minutes. She also still chooses her own bedtime - anywhere from 8 p.m. to 11 p.m. She now only nurses about twice a day. Usually only when she's sleepy, nervous, feeling sick, or upset. Last week we went 30 hours without nursing. I don't know if I'll be nursing a 3 year old in 3 months - I'm leaving it up to her. But, I'm so glad that through all the frustration and exhaustion of having a girl who was such a horrible sleeper and frequent nurser, she's found comfort in the gentle parenting we provided.
I know that our choices aren't for everyone and that's okay. But I hope that our experience can help encourage those who are facing similar situations. There is a light at the end!
This link offers some wonderful advice about sleeping through the night -
Find tips on safe co-sleeping here -
Dr. Harvey Karp's 5 S's -